‘Honour’, empathy, Nice Guys

There is an unconfirmed report that Farah Dogar, daughter of the former Chief Justice of Pakistan Abdul Hameed Dogar has been murdered by him (or his agents) in what is incorrectly, but commonly, described as an ‘Honour Killing’. I use the term Dishonour Killing, or Luckynkl’s term, Disobedience Killing.

Females make up the clear majority of the victims, worldwide, of Dishonour Killings. Routinely young women are murdered for dating or marrying a man that the father disapproves of, or refusing to marry a man that the father/family has arranged for her to marry. The young women (sometimes young men) are murdered by fathers, uncles, brothers, cousins or any combination of male family members.

In the unconfirmed report of the murder of Farah Dogar, a one-post blog, I could immediately tell it was written by a male. First the anonymous author tells us:

The Chief Justice of Pakistan Abdul Hameed Dogar has killed his own daughter Farah Dogar in the name of Honour. And right now he is roaming freely on the streets of Islamabad in his bullet proof BMW with the full support and backing of his long time friend and ally, Asif Ali Zardari. The President of Pakistan has assured him that no harm would come to him and has proved this by ensuring a total media blackout of the news. But the most surprising thing is that even the Western media is not running the story. WHY? Even when a small village girl in the remotest valleys of Swat or barren lands of Choolistan is harmed the news becomes an overnight sensation on both local and international media. But now when the upholders of the law and justice have flauntingly ravaged the life of poor Farah Dogar, there is absolutely not a single word being uttered. Then what about the human rights organisations, NGOs, women’s rights activists. Where are they? What are they waiting for? Do they also only go after soft targets?

Firstly, the media blackout – so anyone outside of Pakistan and do not know the couple are unlikely to know – not human rights orgs, not NGOs, and not women’s rights activists (particularly those outside of Pakistan). I was quite incensed at women’s rights activists being mentioned, the vast majority of our writings and activism are ignored by malestream media, even in western countries, and I am sure that it is true of Pakistan also. Women’s rights activists and those working in the support sector, routinely work locally supporting the victims of widespread male violence – nor do we have any power, we are lucky if we even get noticed. So why would this male, one who has far more local standing within his community, and his religion, ask that the powerless somehow fix this? Further, he basically calls them gutless for not doing so.

In his second last paragraph, he shows his main concern:

And now, unless we the public do something, no one would ever know the fate of poor Farah Dogar. And then what about Zeeshan [the husband], who is still alive at the time I am writing this for the world.

The author had met the couple because they sought another signatory to their marriage, and arranged for a lawyer to register the marriage. Basically this happened to a couple that he knew, albeit briefly.

The tagline to blog:

Murderers of this honour killing must see justice

Which on the surface seems full of concern, but it is not. The author of this report/blog does not mention the nearly 1,000 other Dishonour Killings last year in Pakistan alone, most of those murders not seeing justice. No, he only calls for justice for this particular murder. How about some justice for the other 943 Pakistani women and girls murdered last year? Most of their murderers won’t see the inside of a jail either.

Police often take accounts of these deaths at face value and rarely look at the circumstances in more detail.

The Commission said some victims were raped or gang raped before being killed and only 20 of the 943 killed were reported to have been provided with medical aid before they died.

This is the problem with Nice Guys, they rarely champion any cause unless they are affected, or personally know someone affected. Or they are outraged because it is someone relatively famous, like 22yo Harry Potter actress Afshan Azad (who luckily escaped). True empathy is being outraged by the femicide, rapes, beatings to women and girls that one doesn’t know, the millions of victims each year that remain nameless. So no, this author does not get a Nice Guy award from me, far from it. Although libfems sieze onto tiny snippets of apparent empathy from dudes and shower them with praise, holding them up to be evidence of Nice Guys.

In the UK the estimate of Dishonour Killings of young women is around twelve per year. Annually in the UK, there are well over 3,000 other attacks/assaults just with Dishonour crimes. The figure of 2,823 attacks was only from 39 out of 52 forces – the extrapolated figure for 52 forces would be in excess of 3,700 reported attacks, and like most crimes against women (domestic violence and rape) that figure is sure to be just a fraction with under-reporting (as well as many of the victims not speaking English, and reluctance to report outside their communities).

So, all those supposedly Nice Guys out there, how about doing something about all the crimes against women, even victims you don’t know, who aren’t famous? Women, and ‘women’s activist groups’ don’t have armies, police forces, weapons, or even much political (or religious) representation, so stop demanding that *we* fix the problem of male violence against females. And get an empathy check.

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3 thoughts on “‘Honour’, empathy, Nice Guys

  1. Consistently unimpressed with male empathy for crimes against women as well. I remember a few years ago on youtube this utterly racist, zionist, right wing fanatic of a man who was doing video after video about how disgusting the muslims are did a video calling out the feminists to come after the muslims, where are the feminists on this one??!?! with what army are we to come after the “muslims”, how will dropping bombs on women liberate them considering violence against women goes up with political instability and as if we aren’t up to OUR NECKS with trying to deal with the damage men like him do to women?

    Men are more than willing to admit that other women are oppressed, but not you. I definitely don’t see myself as a friend to patriarchal sky-daddy bullshit like Islam but I really question the motives of men who seem to care so much about the crimes against women in muslim countries and communities.


  2. This guy looks like he has ‘hero complex’. He just wants to be seen as seeking justice on behalf of the victim, without even really caring that much about her, nor does he give a damn about the other 900+ female victims of similar crimes. He doesn’t even blog it with reference to the other dishonour crimes, only this one, like it is an exceptional event.

    All those other women deserve justice too.


  3. It is all about men and their power struggles against other men and as always women are the mens’ pawns, to be used and then ignored when the male combatants either succeed in toppling their male opponents or else there is a compromise between the male combatants.

    Yes indeed what exactly is this anonymous male blogger doing regarding the ever increasing numbers of men initiating/using other males to murder women and girls because these females have supposedly violated men’s pseudo right to dominate and control these female lives. Honour is a male excuse used to hide male accountability, but as always men always blame women and as always claim women are the ones with the real power not men!

    I suspect this male anonymous blogger has a hidden agenda and it is not one concerning justice for the many women subjected to men’s lethal violence.


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